The popular perception of sex machines (thanks mainly to porn) is usually a dildo on the end of a long rod attached to a motor. That visual might be intimidating, but Lovense made it downright cute with the Lovense Mini Sex Machine (8/10, WIRED Recommends). A smaller, compact version of its flagship product, the Mini has a powerful motor in a small package, with easily adjustable legs that allow you to position the device at the best angle.
Most sex machines—including Lovense’s larger flagship sex machine—are large and heavy, and can be cumbersome to set up, but the Mini reduces almost every pain point, including the price. At $399, it’s the least expensive machine you’ll find on the market without sacrificing much power. In my testing, it could reach up to 280 thrusts per minute, though its low weight meant it was a little more likely to slide on smooth surfaces. That trade-off is worth it for the portability, though. The thrusting motor was also surprisingly quiet. Someone might still overhear you from the other side of a closed door, but I doubt anyone would hear you in a neighboring apartment. Unless you’re trying to be heard, anyway.
The whole machine comes in a box about the size of a toolbox, with a convenient handle. I highly recommend holding on to this box for storing or transporting the machine, but even if you choose not to, the machine’s parts are small enough to fit inside an Ikea-sized cube cubby, and at 7 pounds, it’s light enough to carry wherever you want.
The Lovense Remote app also adds many features ideal for long-distance couples. You can control the speed and pattern of thrusts from anywhere in the world, and built-in text and voice/video call features let you do it all from one app. You can even create and share a Zoom-style link to let someone take control of your device and set the link to expire after a set duration or a certain number of uses.
