The Influencers Normalizing Not Having Sex

“I don’t like to make a big deal out of waiting till marriage,” says De Buchi, who has traveled to over 20 countries alone. “In my friend group, everyone is. It’s very normal.” One of her friends runs an event called Hot, Holy, Healed for Christian women, where De Buchi sells her jewelry under her own name. The brand gives 10 percent of each sale to anti-trafficking organizations, she says.

For De Buchi, the mission connects directly to how she thinks about sex itself. “There’s such a sexualized culture and perversion more than ever,” she says, “and people think that means more freedom. But I actually think it’s the opposite.”

At the same time, she didn’t think she’d be waiting this long to have sex, having assumed she’d be married in her early twenties.

She met her boyfriend on Hinge a year and a half ago. She was upfront about her own abstinence from the beginning. They don’t have sleepovers. “I don’t want to play house with someone before I marry them,” she says. “I think that’s something you should look forward to.”

She’s launching a podcast called The Gypsy Virgin, because she couldn’t find anything that addressed the practical reality of preparing for sex after marriage when you’ve been waiting your whole life. She reads about sex, she owns lingerie, she dances—small ways of staying connected to a sexuality she plans to use. “I think for a long time I probably did suppress that,” she says, “because it’s probably easier. But I want to be connected to myself.“​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

De Buchi wants to be clear that she is not just sitting around waiting for a husband. She has a business, a mission, a community. “Someone shouldn’t complete you,” she says. “They should add to your life.“​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​